Meticulous planning

It takes a long time to plan a meal out.
First, there's looking for a place that wouldn't be too dangerous. So, no Italian, no Indian, no place where you know they have tempting desserts. You're strong, yes, but sometimes it's not enough.
Then, it's looking at menus. Checking calorie contents, comparing options, deciding ahead what you can and cannot have. You know you should let it go, at least once in a while, but you just can't stop playing the numbers game. You count, you cut, you plan.
Then, it's time to put on a mask. Smile, laugh, pretend you're making decisions on the spot, just like other people do. If you're lucky, you might just skip the starter, go straight to mains and then leave half of your food on the plate. After all, when everyone's busy chatting and socializing, they might not notice. Desserts? Not for you. You're stuffed, you're full, you can't handle any more. That one meal, the only meal of the day, was almost too much anyway.
It would be so much easier not to think about it, not to obsess so much, but somehow you find it difficult to let yourself go.
So, you plan. Meticulously. Because eating is like going to war.